Friday, June 25, 2010

Poor Youth

A patient on dialysis has a filtration system on "E". The kidneys perform minimally if at all. That rating in a hospital is "4" on a scale of five. Meaning: A five has zero filtration capacity...a four has minimal and anything below a 1.5 is expected. My brother was stricken so was my aunt and my cousin--taken out before the value of life was known. My doctor is concerned..wondering if my level--"1.4" is my level or a sign of impending doom. I'm not worried because what will be will be. That's how I think to stay out of a bad situation.

I had a dream the other night that took my belief away. I must believe in something when evil lurks in the room. We all pray to some God when time comes up...runs up. I felt that feeling and continue to live a life more abundantly. What you own here becomes your labor when you leave here. I need not reap a shitty crop. I'd rather change the world and expand my chances of living forever. We live through one another, I think, and as a result we cannot accept change without trial upon trial to prove it true. At 25, I've realized enough to let go of the trivialities in life that blind you from the nature of life...tribulation. I'm ready to ride the wave and behave in a manner that maintains a consistent persona.

So, growing old has reminded me that I was once, very recently, a person looking for a persona. Kids are roaming throughout the street looking for the next look. I have no aspirations to influence, but I'm often saddened by the product. I'm an elitist and when confronted with realism on a non-militaristic level I am often inarticulate. I must be clear, now, and say that I understand my discontent...I feel a harangue and embrace it with reluctant hands. Time is less important in a realization that nothing matters. I am not a nihilist, but I respect the denotation...perhaps I yearn to be it. I am lost and the most aware I've ever been on earth. Losing a life allows you to accept it. I am losing it constantly and becoming surprisingly complacent with the thought. If I become nothing then everything I do possesses a level of importance that once lay dormant. I can recreate myself with my shallow, fleeting and often useless, youth. My youth is my vessel if I chose to embrace the journey.

Marcus is back in town and I think I'm ready to leap. If he is, then why not me? Exactly. I am excited--ready to become a changed man and changed I am. So how changed will I become when I cease to be a "me" and just "be?"

Excited to find my poor youth...I am.


Saturday, May 8, 2010

Poor Mother

It was April 16th, I was at the Rite Aid down the street from work. I looked down the aisle of cards with a few envelopes strewn about and decided to find my mother's birthday card. In the moment, solemn, I realized I had never purchased a birthday card for her. In third grade, I think I made one out of shitty cardboard, imitation antique paper and globs of glue bursting from every corner and oozing from under all the cut out images slapped on half-assed. Well, to be fair, I was 8, but still that was the last time.

What did I do this time, though? I repeated history. I replaced a sloppily created, yet thoughtful card with a glossy, mass produced product that involved little to no thought. All I had to do was drop it into a mailbox, any mailbox...literally. I sent it from my job, or so I thought, only to find out three days ago that it never left the building.

I never sent it.

Slapped between two pages in a text book I haven't touched in a month is a card, neatly sealed with calligraphy on the front.

Poor Mother.

Rewind to April 19th.

I'm bragging about it, too. "Oh yeah, Ma. Expect something in the mail this week." She's astonished, touched a bit and reluctant to show it, "You have a wedding to plan...don't send me anything."

Thought: It's a card, Ma, it's a card--relax.

I smoothly explained that I had finally shown some decency as a son--I sent my mother a physical manifestation of my affection.

And it never showed up.

My affection is late, half-assed and at best a farce as any manifestation of any love I may feel. Perhaps its more of an indication of some love that may be lacking. Why did I do that?

I don't know and I have no clue as of yet.

But I do know that it's Mother's Day tomorrow and I'm definitely dreading the call. I'm wondering if this is normal and I'm wondering why...

Poor Mother.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Poor Raindrops,

I realized today, drinking coffee and smoking baliswag self-rolled smoking bliss that I am highly contemplative. I have no time to write--I make no time to write--I reckon. Hence, the long duration between the last post and this one. The summer was one of triumph and since then I've realized that summer, dear summer is fleeting. Raindrops are pouring from the heavens foreshadowing another year of thought, action and ends. I'm getting married, during the raining season in South Africa and I wonder. It seems so far away. The raindrops. Poor raindrops washing away the old and replenishing the new. What a job! I can't wait to see these raindrops go in the city of bites and embrace the rain dance in the motherland. Maybe my poor blog posts can be these--mere autobiographical sketchings--I don't know. I'm still thinking, raindrops--I'm still dreaming.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Poor-George

What in the hell is this little old blog in the vast blogosphere all about? Let's start with the name. There are over 3,010,000,000 hits on Google the moment you enter the word blog. There seem to be two glaring commonalities between the top and the bottom--the name and the writing. The best have both and the worse do not. But the name, above all, is the first thing that people notice even if the writing isn't up to par. When the writing reflects the name, then boom--You got a hit.

Poor George--does it catch your eye? As the opening entry for this blog, I'm hoping I can illuminate its meaning and prove that what I have to say is worth it. See, it is a play on words that transmits the mission I seek to disseminate with weekly and sometimes daily blogs about a cadre of issues that affect us short-term and long-term, whether politically understood or not. I seek to investigate the nuances within our culture that lead to the catastrophes that affect our policies and subsequently our decisions in effect, which eventually become the predominate reality. In short, I want to flip all our notions of right and wrong on its head in the hopes of finding a middle ground that solves many of the problems we face--the isms. As a political science major and cultural critic I believe that change in our country must start with reflection. Meaningful reflection cannot come without other perspectives and you can't get another perspective without communication. I believe we are in a time and a moment that allows for in-depth dialogue that may well lead to widespread change in all the arguments we hear, see and fight--internally and externally.

We are on a midnight train to a post-racial era-in politics, but almost nowhere else. Looking beyond race seems impossible outside of politics because it complicates the many areas of disagreement we've long held. The masses do not change quickly. Complicated arguments need time to digest and quite frankly the American culture prefers a buzz-word and a visual. Now that we've moved away from good ole' George dubba-ya into the exotic realm of Barack we are on a collision course with economic history as our recession crawls towards a depression. What seem to define our times are constant redefinitions. Currently, policy makers are trying to redefine economic theory and practice; at the same time both Democrats and Republicans are bickering about the crippling policies and wars of George--the same things they agreed with before.
Americans, though, love dichotomies without investigation and as quickly as we can spark the conversation around rich and poor, the haves and have-nots, we just as swiftly discard criticism of George and conflate his ineptitudes as his and his alone. Nothing is that BLACK and WHITE. Each citizen in this country is as responsible for the emergence of George Bush as we are for the economic meltdown which ironically shed new light on whom is rich and whom is poor; for real. Nowadays, the veil has been removed with "the kiss on a grave" by the likes of Bernie Madoff, the cronies from AIG, the Lehman brothers and the rest that let us know who's really RICH. They've got all the money, so what do WE, you and me, really have in our bank accounts?

America is going through the lowest philanthropic giving in a quarter century, as well as the highest level of saving (percentage-wise) in a decade and a half. Apparently the working poor is more than half of our country and the rich have fled to another country or gave their money to their wives while they head to jail. Our country, in sum total, is Poor and nobody knows why.

GDP: 13.84 Trillion (Today);

Median Household Income: $50, 740

– Census Bureau (2007: http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/00000.html)

We are ethically poor for the love of Cash and the effect is devastating on our national psyche—we’re always looking for more.

Back to George W., is George responsible? Sure, but do I dare say that George W. may have become the scapegoat for a more overarching problem--isolation and apathy? HMMM...not sure. I do know another George, though--George Greene, my late Grandfather (my father's father), for who this blog is truly dedicated.

My Grandfather fought in the Korean War, well, he fought as much as a black man in those times could be allowed. In between tours he married a schoolteacher, had a couple kids (53' and 55') and ended his draft duty around 56' with a job lined up at the post office. George Greene would work at the post office for another 25 years or so, until the early Reagan Years consumed him, like many Americans. I do not speak ill of the dead, but I must speak truthfully of the life that they lived. My grandfather is a classic American. George believed in pulling yourself up by the boot straps and he had plenty evidence to back his faith. My father grew up in a middle class neighborhood in Memphis, Tn. My dad was in the marching band, had a trumpet, and went on road trips from one coast to the other all on the back of my Grandfather and Grandmother--the postal carrier and the school teacher. The Greene's were an All-American family--Two middle-class parents, two kids-a boy and a girl, a dog, backyard and a mortgage for a house of their own!

By 1981, my grandfather decided to retire. Without going into the specifics of his decision I can tell you that it was a bad one. My grandfather would pass away in my third year at the University of Chicago some 22 years later. George had fathered three children in his 50's, lost his nest egg paying for bad investments and child support, worked at a soap factory to help his mother pay their bills and spent his last two years of life in purgatory; i.e. a dingy "Retirement" home waiting for prayers so he could go home. I only visited twice, often thinking, "Poor George."

In America, the precipitous climb of any individual is a prelude to a terrible downfall. The American dream is only a steep climb up a mountain with an apex too small to stand on for long. My hope with this blog is to begin and sustain a conversation around changing our view on the situations we find ourselves in as a country, a people and government. Instead of blaming someone else or simplifying the cause so as to deal with the effect(s), we need to look in the mirror and question what we see. In our country can’t be rich enough long enough. There’s this old adage about rich folks and poor folks: “Rich people stay rich because they never show their wealth. Poor people stay poor because they think rich people do.” Aspiring for the top of a money mountain means that with each step a piece of dignity remains behind.

How did my grandfather, my middle namesake, fall so low, so fast? Perhaps, like the other George, he didn't do this alone. George was financially ignorant and ethically void, but in 1981 he was just protecting his needs. The “Me” culture had just begun and he walked alone in a massive rally for excess. But this does not have to be the conversation. The American Dream as it stands today is a myth. The more money you make the less someone else does.

But I’m a patriot. I believe in the work ethic that we contain in our borders. America has the most hardworking people on earth in terms of sheer hours of labor. We are not better than anyone else, but we have a whole hell of a lot of money, technology and potential and why we waste that capital in the pursuit of paper alone is disturbing. There is an attainable American Dream, but it looks a lot different. Instead of a hierarchy, I believe it’s a series of tracks going all over the place with the same destination.

So, let’s take a ride together. I know that we can change the climb-the perception of success that’s actually ethical vacancy; the faith in the American Dream, when it's just that for far too many--a dream. If we change perceptions that allow us to believe that there is a top; not only is there a top but you don’t have to climb over others to get it, then we can change the expectations! The current expectations are a farce—the means never justify the ends especially when the end is so damn unfulfilling. I’m definitely open to expecting something else.